So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
