Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
