We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
