I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize