Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
As shirtless as possible
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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