need another drink. this is the easiest way
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize