if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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