Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
