dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
