The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
