I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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