I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
