So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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