C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
