I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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