I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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