I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
