my mouth tastes like poor choices
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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