but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
one might say we're banned from that church
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
