Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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