I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
