Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
