Midget sex pt 2 tonight
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
