Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize