she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
why do cheetos always look like penises
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
