i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
