my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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