it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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