I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
