Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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