Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize