rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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