Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
