remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
