Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I miss vodka workout Fridays
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
