what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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