Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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