Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
