We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
