It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
