Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
