I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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