so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
