My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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