dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize