When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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