Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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