Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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