gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
