i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
