He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
