...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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