she was so not down for the gang bang
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
how does that bad decision feel?
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