btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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