I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
