Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
