Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
