He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Are my feet made of real feet?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
