Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
