I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
