Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
