I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize