Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize