Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
