Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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