I skipped work to stalk him.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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