yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
