At least make sure they are 18
Why
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize