headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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