I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
