i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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