for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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