I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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