My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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