All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
