I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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