I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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