Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
