You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
