we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
