I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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