I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
