i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
