put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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