Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
