There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
