it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
