Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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