you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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