dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize