seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
