its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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