so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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