Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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