He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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