nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
