did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
