Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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