You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize