I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
