we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
