The maid of honor just puked.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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